Crush : The Way It Should've Gone
by Mad Childe Dru
Summary: The episode Crush, how it would've gone if I had written it. (Was nominated for a Watching You Award)


The room is filled with smoke. It hangs as a heady mist in the air. The intoxicating fragrance of nicotine and sweat mingles with my own thoughts.  
  
I came here tonight to escape it. To forget everything that had been going on lately with Glory, and Dawn, and Riley, and my mom being sick...but I should've known I couldn't escape a list that big for long. It seems like the harder I try to dig myself out the more it all piles up.  
  
I take a sip of the drink Xander bought for me while I watch the "Happy Couples" dance. I know I shouldn't be bitter, but...well, why? Why, after everything I've done for the world; after everyone I've saved and everything I've sacrificed, do they get to be happy and yet I...  
  
Then a familiar presence saunters into the bar. It's almost like his just being here is mocking me. Reminding me that I'll never be happy.  
  
I know deep down it's not his fault...I really do. I just...right I need someone to put it all on...and he did open my eyes to Riley...  
  
Of course I know that's not fair to him. It wasn't like a terribly it was a terribly stable relationship when the guy is going somewhere else to get sucked...ok, that sounded a lot worse than it was supposed to. Time to get the Buffy-thoughts out of the gutter there, Buffy. And now I would be scolding myself. Great.  
  
I shake my head to clear it and almost immediately I can sense him getting closer.  
  
I can't deal with him right now. I just focus my attention on the dance floor and hopefully he'll go away. I know that's just wishful thinking, but hey, a girl can dream, can't she?  
  
And he doesn't....  
  
"Bleedin' crime, is what it is."  
  
_Great... I just stare at him with that "I have absolutely no idea what you just said" look on my face while he talks. I swear, he has absolutely no idea what's going through my head when I look at him._  
  
"Jackin' up the bar price to pay for fixin' up this sinkhole. Not my fault insurance doesn't cover act of troll."  
  
_And he is not getting it...I could be undressing him with my eyes and he wouldn't no- Oh my God! Ok, what did we say about the gutter talk, Buffy? Especially the Spike-involved kind..._  
  
"Gee, maybe it's time you found a new place to patronize."  
  
_Maybe if I humor him...drop some hints..._  
  
"I've half a mind to! Especially since the flowering onion got remodeled off the sodding menu. 'S the only thing this place had going for it."  
  
_Maybe not...._  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
_OK, time to go into Mean-Buffy mode...gotta put on the "grrr-face"..._  
  
"Wha, what do you mean what am ... I ..."  
  
_Ignore the puppy dog eyes...he's evil. Say it with me Buffy, **Evil** ....Oh God. Note to self, stop having inner-conversations with self._  
  
"Here? At this table? Talking to me. Like we're some kind of talking buddies."  
  
_Ok, he really looked hurt...maybe more meanness than I wanted there..._  
  
"Well, I saw you ... sitting here alone. Thought, I don't know, you could, maybe do with a bit of, uh, you know, company.......Suit yourself!"  
  
_Of course it did have the desired effect..._  
  
"Although..."  
  
_Or not...mental sigh_  
  
"It's just, we took on that Glory chippie together, I was right there with you, fightin' the fight."  
  
_OK, pulling out the big guns. No Mean-Buffy....Bitchy-Buffy time._  
  
"Actually, you were sleeping the sleep of the knocked unconscious."  
  
_Ha! Recover from that "Big Bad"_  
  
"Yeah, but still, points for intent."  
  
_Damn I hate it when he has a point."_  
  
"You'd think that would be enough to cut me a sliver of slack. Earn a little consideration, respect."  
  
_Ok, maybe I was a little hard on him....he's makin' all sort'sa sense and dollars. Maybe-_  
  
"Hey, uh, Evil Dead, you're in my seat."  
  
_Xander will come along and be a total ass and why is Spike giving me those puppy dog eyes again like it's my job to say something here..._  
  
"Bugger it."  
  
_Ok, that was a not-so-happy vampire face..._  
  
"Xander, I think you may have hurt his feelings."  
  
_Gee, ya think? What a concept...not like I care. Nope, not a bit of carin' over here._  
  
"And you should never hurt the feelings of a brutal killer...."  
  
_Um...._  
  
"You know, that's, uh, that's actually some pretty good advice."  
  
_Yeah._  
  
"So, who's up for some more liquid refreshments? I'm buying, for I am payday man."  
  
_More like retardo-boy....where the hell did he get to...?_  
  
"I could use a water."  
  
_Ok, not seeing the bleached wonder...not carin' of course...._  
  
"Water poses no challenge for payday man, for I have..."  
  
_Alright, one more mention of the magnificent 'payday man' and I will give him a 'Buffy Beat-down" and then steal payday man's money so he can no longer be the magnifi-_  
  
"Hey, where's my change?"  
  
_Damn it...someone beat me to it..._  
  
"Spike, you diabolical fiend."  
  
_Oooh...follow payday man, find the vamp...ok, I did not just say that...I mean, even if it was in my head, Bad Buffy!....and I'm back to scolding myself. Alright, focus on something else...Willow! Focus on Willow! Wait...on Willow's what...uh...oh, aspirin equals headache so...well, first of all we can deduce she has a headache, and second we can deduce Buffy needs major psychiatric help..._  
  
"Poor Will. Still getting those headaches?"  
  
_Alright, I'm a-focusin'..._  
  
"Fewer and further between, but...yep, they're still exercising their visitation rights."  
  
_Got my full concentration..._  
  
"Honey, in case you didn't hear me the first six thousand times, no more teleportation spells."  
  
_...not on Willow. Dammit...think...need a distraction..._  
  
"Well, it's just we have squat in the way of Glory-fighting arsenal, and ... another run-in with her and my headaches and nosebleeds are gonna be the least of our problems."  
  
_**Glory**...That'll do._  
  
"You know what? This is the first R-'n'-R I've had in weeks. How about we go one night without saying the name Glory."  
  
_Alright, that went well...now I need a new distraction..._  
  
"I'm down with that. Let's just call "she who will not be named" another name. Let's just call her-"  
  
_Hey...is that...Yep! Ben!_  
  
"Ben!"  
  
_He can distract me any day..._  
  
"For example."  
  
_Ben numminess....oh yeah. **Very** distracting..._  
  
"I'll be right back."  
  
_Ok, actcoolactcoolactcoolactcool..._  
  
"Ben! Hey!"  
  
_Very cool, Summers. No really. Maybe next time you can just throw yourself on his lap..._  
  
"Buffy, hi."  
  
_Remembers me, score one point for Buffy!_  
  
"I barely recognized you without your hospital scrubs."  
  
_Make fun of the wardrobe...scratch off point numero uno for Buffy..._  
  
"Oh, you'd be surprised the extent of my wardrobe."  
  
_Woohoo! Points back!_  
  
"Really?"  
  
_Yes Buffy, go for casual disinterest, borderline interest...and again, I prove I've lost capablity of rational or logical thought..._  
  
"I actually have entire outfits that aren't blue pajamas."  
  
_Aww...._  
  
"Um, my sister ... uh, told me what happened at the hospital before I got there."  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"And, uh, I just wanted to say ... thanks. For looking after her?"  
  
_Ok, he's lookin' even more blank than Riley used to...._  
  
"That's okay. I'm glad Dawn's all right."  
  
_Ok, he's a space-cadet...grrreeaaatt...._  
  
"So, uh...how have things been going with you? How's your mom?"  
  
_Ok, new plan of action....slowly back away...._  
  
"She's good. Thanks for asking, and Ben, I'd love to stay and talk, but I sort of deserted my friends and I should really get back to the table..."  
  
_Please don't invite yourself.....**Please** don't invite yourself..._  
  
"Yeah? The friends of yours I met at the hospital? Nice."  
  
_Shit...uh....LIE!_  
  
"Yep, but we were just about to leave, but I wanted to thank you first, but I've done that now, so....uh...yep. Gotta go."  
  
_Alright, screw 'back away slowly'...now is where you run like hell._  
  
"Hey Buffster, where ya' been?"  
  
_Great. Payday man is back..._  
  
"Actually...I was just going to the bathroom and I honestly don't feel so good...no! You guys stay. Really Xander, don't get up. It's not a very long walk, and I think I could use the air."  
  
_Let's translate....**leave**....**me**....**alone**..._  
  
"You sure, Buffy? We don't mind leaving early."  
  
_Tell that to your ex-demon girlfriend with her scowling looks at the back of your head._  
  
"No Thanks."  
  
_Rather not face the wrath of Anya._  
  
"I'll see you guys later."  
  
_God it will feel so good to just get out of here........and the night air feels great. Insert another mental sigh here. Would've been a great night if it hadn't been for the cameo-appearance by Ben..._  
  
"What now, Slayer?"  
  
_Holy shit! Ok, Slayer senses must be failin' me 'cause I didn't even notice him leaned up against the building, puffing away, until he had spoken._  
  
"Come out here to let me know how unwelcome I am?"  
  
_You know, it's funny...without the duster...in the whole clean-cut look, complete with khakis...he almost looks...ok, normal's not the word... Cute? Maybe. Handsome? Definitely. Stunning? Oh yeah._  
  
"Don't worry, I was just about to be on my way..."  
  
_Hurt? Yes._  
  
I watched him stub out the cigarette and turn around before I got the nerve to speak.  
  
"Don't."  
  
_Ok, now he's stopped and you got his attention...now what?_  
  
"Walk me home?"  
  
_Oh my God! Is that even me talking? I sound all nervous and squeaky and...oh shit. Yet another mental sigh. He's staring at me now with those gorgeous blue eyes, only he's staring at me like I just might rip his heart out or somethi....oh shit again...._  
  
He takes a step towards me. Just one. And then reaches out one of those beautifully sculpted hands in my direction.....  
  
_All I have to do is take it..... and then what?_  
  
I return his gaze...and I feel like I'm sinking into him...  
  
_To hell with it all.... maybe this will all explode tomorrow....._  
  
I take a step closer.....  
  
_...but for right now...._  
  
And reach out for him.....  
  
_...this just feels **so**..._  
  
Our hands meet....  
  
_Right._  
  


**End**


End file.
